A little about me before we dive in, I’ve been single for over four years. To say I’m an ~expert~ would be an understatement. Over these four years, I’ve really grown as a person and am so happy with who I am today because I was able to embrace the following tips. That’s not to say I don’t have days where I’m craving affection or wish I was in a relationship! But I’ve learned to look at my loneliness as a personal challenge to get to know myself even better. Let’s jump into it.
1. take pride in your independence
Having independence is an art form that not a lot of people can master. There are different things in life that teach you various levels of independence, with “single life” being one of the major lessons.
There is nothing more important than learning to do things without relying on other people. That’s not to say people in relationships aren’t independent! But it’s evident that when you get comfortable with someone your levels of independence start to deplete. Sometimes people tend to lean on each other a little too much. I think this is also apart of being a woman because we are inherently raised to rely on our (specifically male) partners for everything. Learn that you are a bad bitch. You are capable of making decisions for yourself. You are in control of your own life.
2. spend time with yourself
I’ve preached a ton about this on my blog, specifically in this article I wrote on how to start loving yourself. I’m repeating it here because I’m such a huge advocate for spending time with yourself. It’s so important to work on the relationship you have with yourself because at the end of the day the only person you have is you.
There are so many ways to spend some time with yourself. Take yourself out to dinner, read a book before bed, visit a museum. If you can do it with someone else, then you can do it by yourself (well, only some things). Whatever you’re doing, make sure you appreciate the time you took to be alone and discover more about your inner workings. Because if you’re not comfortable with yourself, how are you supposed to be comfortable with someone else?
3. be present
Being present is something I tend to struggle with because I’m an overthinker. I always plan out everything meticulously and am always thinking of the worst-case scenario. This is so I can be prepared for the worst to happen (this way of thinking is a result of ~trauma~). But recently, I learned how this behavior is incredibly toxic and will lead to further turmoil in your life.
I am a big believer in whatever you put into the universe will come right back to you. So if I am miserable and say that I’m lonely and depressed, then I’m going to be lonely and depressed. It’s all about changing your mindset to be present, focus on the “now” and cross whatever bridge you’re worried about when you get there. This mindset is still something I’m trying to master, but every day I get better and better at living in the present.
4. you’re sad? go to therapy
Being sad, depressed, or lonely about being single (or anything for that matter) is very normal. You are definitely not alone. The human experience is all about tackling the ups and downs of various emotions and learning how to deal with them. That’s the important part though, learning how to deal with them. If you choose to sit and wallow in your sadness, it will only get worse.
So if you’re sad about being single, you need to go to therapy. It will take time, but therapy will teach you how to dissect your emotions in a healthy manner and learn how to juggle them the proper way. I feel that a lot of people judge therapy, but those are the people that need to go the most! So give it a shot. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Click here to browse the website I used to find my therapist.
5. go on dates (don’t deprive yourself of attention)
Being single doesn’t mean you shouldn’t play the field! Just because I preach all the things above doesn’t mean I’m telling you do not date. Go on a dating app (see my favorites here), talk to a bunch of new people, and maybe meet up with a few. Keep it casual!
Don’t deprive yourself of attention because human interaction is extremely important for our mental health. Casual dating is also a really great way to learn what you want in your next relationship, along with weeding out any toxic traits you’d like to avoid. I’ve been on countless dates over the four years I’ve been single and I’ve met so many great people (and a handful of duds). This is one of my favorite parts of being single! Explore new people, new places, new personalities. Just have fun and live your best life no matter what.
Also, if you’re struggling with the apps, check out some of my favorite dating app openers here.
Bonus pro tip
Due to this article coming out during the holidays, I need to say this to all my people who are visiting their hometown for the holidays. DO NOT hang out with guys from your past. You’re better than that. So when your ex-boyfriend from 9th grade hits you up to “see how you’re doing”, block him. Clearly, I’m writing this from experience. Keep it moving bitch.
Let’s Wrap It Up
I hope you enjoyed this article on me ranting and raving about the tips on how to be happy single. These are the things I’ve learned over the past four years of being single as a pringle. And I’m so grateful to have learned these things because, without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
Thank you for taking the time to read. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article so leave a comment below or message me here. See you next week!